Subject: My reticence in 'phone conversations
From: townsendfarm <townsendfarm@roadrunner.com>
Date: Sun, 30 Jul 2017 16:21:33 -0400
To: Ernst J Meyer <ernstmeyer@earthlink.net>

Dear Jochen,

For as long as I have known you I think that I have been reticent to state my views when we conversed together. I have been trying to think about why that is so. Partly I've always found you had organized ideas about your points of view and they always were well expressed and well argued.

My own points of view are perhaps harder for me to express and my ideas seem lame compared to your expressions of belief. For example, I would have had a hard time explaining to you while I was still at Emory why I intended to change and move to Maine to experiment with teaching in Primary Care. At the time I made the change I guess I think that it was sort of a hunch that I had rather than a well-thought-out idea. Perhaps it would have been embarrassing for me to discuss that with you, because after all it was a life-changing decision that I was making important for the whole family.

Also, I think that when I express a theory or an idea with you about policy, let's say, or something like that I find that you soon interrupt to tell me how you think about it and you don't give much respect to my idea or point of view. Rather, you are eager to express your own idea and you don't wait to see what mine is and how you might encourage me with it. I used to rather resent that in you but now I've got accustomed to it and I just think it's part of our relationship. I do value our relationship. I've learned things from you that were useful and helpful to me and I think that my sister Margaret was really happy with you over these years.

When I think about my life I find it hard to see thoughtful decisions along the way. I can't remember thinking about Harvard College and wondering whether it was the right place for me. I can't remember thinking carefully about whether medicine was the right thing for me to study or whether I should have tried something else.

After graduating from medical school I didn't really have a coherent idea of what I wanted to do but gradually it turned out that I was most interested in teaching medicine, learning about it and teaching at the same time. Rather than neurology it was medical education that I was most interested in. Now, looking back, it looks all right to me. I don't think that I would have been better off doing something different. The institution that I helped to start here in Maine is functioning very well and I had a big part in it.

And my marriage, entered into after only weeks of courtship, turned out to be transformational for me. I learned from her and was well looked after by her. I admired her without reservation. She taught our sons how to live and be kind, thoughtful, decent human beings.

I believe I've had a good life and done worthwhile things for myself and for others. I think I sometimes have a hard time talking about what I'm doing in a way that would be easy in conversation with you. But we can always try again, can't we?

Love, Alex