 
                         20051222.00

     I represent god.  No, no, don't misunderstand.  It's not
that I think I am god.  I don't think that.  Only schizophrenics
think they are god.  (Although certain public officials are even
crazier and act as if they were god.)

     I am a lawyer. My client is god. I make an appearance in
the court as the lawyer for god.  God has many lawyers; every
idiot thinks he represents god.  I'm not the only one, but I
have to act as if I were.  History shows that when god is
apprehended, he will be incarcerated without recourse to habeas
corpus, will be tortured to disclose the secret of how he created
the world, stripped naked, spit upon, beaten, crowned with thorns
and ultimately crucified.  Since the court is so busy running for
reelection, that it has no time for justice, the only way I can
defend my client is by concealing him.  A good lawyer will hide
his client in the closet, in the attic or in the basement.  An
even better lawyer denies his client's existence.  If god doesn't
exist, you can't crucify him.

     Read Hegel before you say, "You can't have it both ways." 
You have to teach your client to play peek-a-boo.  Any child can
learn it.  It's the first game a mother teaches her child.  Peek-
a-boo is the most natural game there is.  Surely god can learn
to play peek-a-boo.  God isn't dumb, although sometimes he seems
to act that way.  Now you see him, now you don't.  It'll drive
the judges up the wall, which is where you want them; and when
you have them up the wall, they will leave god alone, and you can
responsibly advise him to go home, have a drink and take a nap
without fear of being locked up.

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Copyright 2005, Ernst Jochen Meyer
