Dear Alex,

I didn't mean to imply that I am incapable of change;
but merely to emphasize that I feel powerless to transform
myself according to a plan or a pattern. I am indeed aware
that I have changed much, and that I continue to be changed
from day to day by the world that surrounds me. I conclude
without lamenting that a person is changed by what he learns;
that knowledge and understanding make one a different person.
I contemplate the possibility that someday I may face death with
remorse and regrets for having spurned the offers of modern medicine
to prolong my life without end. On the other hand, I share your fear
of physical disability, - and even more of mental disability. From
what I have seen of old age, the only rational response to that fear
is not to make too much effort to postpone the departure. In many
perspectives, sooner is better than later.

Such considerations also obtain in regard to my putative duty to stick
around to take care of Margaret. While I can obviously be of much help
to her while I remain (relatively) healthy, it's not difficult to 
conjure up situations (Alzheimers' anyone?), where she would be much
better off if I had called it quits at a reasonable hour. So even
with regard to her it seems unreasonable to presume the prolongation
of my life to be an unconditional blessing. It would be unseemly for
me to masquerade in my old age as a religious person. I think often
of Cantata 106 (Gottes Zeit ist die allerbeste Zeit), God's time is 
the very best time (to die). And of course, "Gottes Zeit" is whenever
it happens.  Never has a virtue been made of necessity with greater
elegance and melody.

Jochen