Dear Benj,

Before the evening turns into morning and I become too tired
to write, I want to get these comments off to you, to tell you
again how much your letters mean to me. I spend much of my time
writing. It's wonderful to be told that you like to receive
letters from me. I emphasize again that you don't need to reply,
and crazy as it sounds, you don't even need to read what I
write. All that's necessary for me is to know that you are
there in the north country, but not too far away, and that
I have the opportunity to write to you. I think of you very
often, very much aware how your life lies open before you like
"ein unbeschriebenes Blatt", like an unscripted page. The
German phrase sounds very melodious to me, the English, a bit
stilted and stuffy.

As I mentioned to you, I've been spending some time this evening
translating into English, conversations about knowledge and ethics.
I dislike the term "philosophy" because it has been misused and
misunderstood. Ethics is a subject of interest to me, not because
I consider myself a promising candidate for virtue, - on the
contrary - , but because it is a topic which sheds so much light
on who I am and on who I might be. 

As I think about it this evening, I believe I understand that there 
are two poles of authority which might tell me what I should do and
what I should not do. There is the law outside of me and there is
my conscience within me. Authors in the 18th Century, especially
Immanuel Kant, believed that there was - or should be - a single
cosmic law which ruled (or by means of which God ruled) the universe,
and that this universal law penetrated not only the laws of the
state but also the individual's life and ruled his conscience.
Accordingly the world was deemed to be governed by a universal
harmony, and life was a magnificent "sing-along" where our voices
blend with those of the angels accompanying the (Aristotelian) music
of the spheres. According to this theory, God himself does not sing
along, he doesn't even conduct, but he is, of course, the composer
of the score.

After experimenting with this theory for many years, I've come
to the conclusion that it doesn't work. Tonight I believe that
law and conscience have separate sources. There are many instances
where law and conscience are quite separate, and there's no conflict
between them. However, in my experience there are many, too many
instances where law and conscience contradict each other, and not
seldom issue to us conflicting commands.  Much depends on ones
personality. Some people derive satisfaction from being on a team
and marching in step. Others like myself are, as Thoreau pointed out,
distracted by the beat of a different drummer. And it's a different
drummer, namely my very own, to whom I will listen as I fall asleep 
tonight. And I wish for you that you will also hear your own special
drummer and a music that is for you and for you alone, since I must
assume that what's good for me should be good for you also.
Good night.

Love,
Yoyo