Thank you very much for coming to Charlotte to drive us
back to Belmont. Thank you for offering to clean some of 
the house, and thank Laura for offering to provide meals
for Mr. Gordon.

So far as Mommy and myself are concerned, the future is
inscrutable. Each of us may survive in his/her present
state for years or only for days. Both Mommy nor I
have rejected the conventional path ti deathL: retirement
community - assisted living  - hospital - nursing home. 
Both of us are satisfied with our decision.

So long as I maintain my present mental and physical
capacity, Mommy is taken care of. If she is still living
when I become incapacitated or die, you will need to
take over and make such arrangements as you consider
appropriate. Your decisions then won't make much difference 
to Mommy because she won't understand who is taking care 
of her and is likely to believe that whoever happens to 
speak to her with affection is my double.

It is yourself whose life will be enriched or impoverished
by the decisions you then make, and it is not for me to 
presume to decide what is best for you nor to presume to 
make these decisions "from beyond the grave." In my own life 
to which you have been a witness, the attempt to take care of 
members of my family has always had priority - and has been
consistently rebuffed, except for Mommy.

I interpret my compulsion to "take care" of members of my family
as the reflection - or the shadow - of my lifelong separation
anxiety, which seems now, in very old age to be fading. I have
learned to accept that it's more important for family members to
have the opportunity to express and to develop their own persona-
lities than "to be taken care of." (It would be disgraceful if I had
learned othing from my sister.)
understand
 
To be more accurate, I don't "believe" in "free will". I don't
believe that we "make decisions." Rather our actions demonstrate
who we are, or who we have become at the moment in which we act.
I don't consider actions as "right or wrong", as "good or bad".