Dear Mr. Lukas,

In a corner of my third floor study, on a 4 foot high pedestal of green marble stands a bronze statue of Italian provenance - I'm told about 150 years old - of a turbaned Bedouin astride his camel. It's a handsome work of art, 18 inches long and 20 inches high, which my son inherited from his paternal grandfather, who in turn received it as a gift in Germany about 1934 from a very wealthy widowed and obviously grateful patient whose husband had bought it with the proceeds of successful Mexican oil explorations. I mention the camel because the space under its belly and between its legs forms a convenient cubicle for temporary storage of important documents which I don't know what to do with, which I mustn't overlook or forget, but which nonetheless I don't want to think about at the moment.  That's where I put your generous check, which I haven't known what to do with.  

When you and Mrs. Lukas were recently here, I told you that I had saved the $100 bill that you pressed into my hand at the previous visit as a souvenir, perhaps the last payment for services rendered I would ever receive, and suggested with the ironic realism in which both you and I take pleasure, that if I was collecting souvenirs, a check would have been more appropriate. I'm caught in a trap of my own making. It would be improper for me to cash a check which was given to me after I had indicated that I wouldn't cash it. Of course it's rude to return a check under any circumstances, and its rude also for me to keep a check without cashing it, leaving you with the monthly annoyance of reconciling a bank statement which does not agree with your records. 

After deliberating, I conclude: a) that cashing the check would be evil, b) that retaining the check uncashed would be evil, and c) returning the check would be evil. Since for me there's no escape from evil, I chose c).  

Looking at it from another perspective, I conclude that its not you who should be paying me, but the reverse, I should be paying you for the very real pleasure of seeing Mrs Lukas and yourself.

My best wishes to Mrs. Lukas and yourself. May both of you stay well and happy.

Sincerely,