Thank you for the copy of your May 1982 diary entries. I have re-read them
several times. They speak very well of your intelligence and sensitivity.
My comments: Our views of ourselves and our world are unavoidably idealizations
which express the conceptual basis of how each of us survives and flourishes
in a world in which he is unavoidably an alien. Such idealizations should
be judged not by logical criteria, whether they are true or false, 
whether they are logically consistent or contradictory. Instead, such 
idealizations should be calibrated by pragmatic standards. Secular 
idealizations unavoidably characterize the subject as (relatively) faultless
and attibute disappointments and insufficiencies to his companions or to
adversaries "outsude" of him. Religious idealizations characterize the
best of all possible worlds designed and implemented by absolute divine
goodness, and stigmatize imperfections as consequences of (original) sin.

The father-son relationship is fraught with discord and diappointments
of varying degrees which are never entirely avoided or abated. 
In the context of you diary entries, consider the broad spectrum 
that spans your own experience both as son and as father,
Tom Binghams (mis)understanding of Robert, the lives and deaths of
Ernst Joachim, Fritz and Heinz Meyer in the light (or shadow) of
Joe(l) Meyer in Oerlinghausen, of Alex and Maurice McPhedran ...
There are no exceptions.