d200707_14_from_Nikola.eml
Subject: 
Re: July 7, 2020 - 1
From: 
Nikola Chubrich <nchubrich@gmail.com>
Date: 
7/7/20, 21:22
To: 
Ernst Meyer <ernstmeyer@earthlink.net>

Dear Dr. Meyer:

I wish you luck with your literary efforts. Please do not feel under any obligation to help me; you have done enough. And I cherish all that you have done, all the access to your mind that you have given. If it is valuable to you to talk to me (rather than to work on your libretto, for instance), I will gladly reciprocate.

I went out for a walk today at dusk. The sky was grey but became more beautiful as sunset approached. I am determined to approach the world as it is and myself as I am. I have spent enough time recoiling from the events of the past year wishing that some of them had not happened, and questioning the value of others.

When I got over stuttering I came to understand something about the nature of stuttering. (It is often thought to be incurable for adults.) I have sought the same knowledge for bipolar disorder, whatever that might be. As I looked out on the grey sky, I realized that my reversals had merely been indications that the problem was more complex than I thought----and therefore, perhaps, more worth solving and more richly rewarding in the process of solving.

I had many wisps of theory come to me after that, but none I feel inclined to write down, though I began composing such a letter to you in my head.

As I returned to the apartment I felt an almost physical pain. I have a surfeit of things to do that (at the moment) feel painful, whose only reward is that they will prevent matters from getting worse. Well, better to run uphill then, if it avoids the fire. That call of the wild I felt earlier this year was also a departure from painful and boring things. The next time I feel the call of the wild I will remember to turn inwards and, if need be, towards pain.

You, I suppose, with your difficulty walking, must face another kind of pain all the time.

I delayed getting out of bed today until late in the afternoon. I can go no further with that. I plan to stay up the night and through next day so that I can reset my schedule to daylight.

N.I.C.

On Tue, Jul 7, 2020 at 6:06 PM Ernst Meyer <ernstmeyer@earthlink.net> wrote:


    Dear Nikola,

    This morning I didn't write because I was much distracted by what seems
    to be evolving into the fraudulent sale on the Internet of a replacement
    computer module for my 2010 Dodge. On July 2, the vendor obtained a USPS
    tracking number which advises me that no merchandise was ever delivered
    to USPS. I must now decide how many days to wait before taking up the
    issue with the Credit Card company. It's not really a serious matter,
    but, because I'm so easily distracted, it keeps me from concentrating on
    my letter to you.

    Your question what you should read is awkward for me to answer, because
    my familiarity with English literature is embarrassingly spotty and
    shallow. I'm very fond and admiring of Shakespeare: Lear, Hamlet,
    Macbeth, the Winter's Tale, Midsummernights Dream,the Tempest.

    I've been reading in Wikipedia about the many different schools of
    psychotherapy, and struck by the circumstance that CBT, "cognitive
    behavioral psychology", is a contemporary analogue to Socrates'
    imperative, "Know thyself". As I reflect on my thinking about my own
    life, I'm impressed by the extent to which the ancient and this modern
    psychotherapy coincide.

    I want now to get back to revising and editing my libretto/closet
    drama/theater piece, "Krötenrettung", (toad rescue), the account of how
    three Muses, Melpomene, Euterpe and Erato, appear in the kitchen of one
    Moritz Möchtegern (Maurice Wannabee) whose friend Baron Hieronymus von
    Krötenheim (Baron Jerome Toadhouse) appeals to them for help to prevent
    the deaths of his beloved toads who are crushed by callous automobile
    drivers as the toads cross a busy highway on their annual pilgrimage to
    their breeding grounds.  It's a long and convoluted tale involving a
    ruthless landowner, Maga Lump, (Lump is German for scoundrel) who has
    built a fence to deflect the fleeing toads back onto the highway; Dike,
    the Goddess of Justice, who arranges forgery in the Registry of Deeds
    stripping Lump of his real estate; Apollo, the God of Light and Harmony,
    who is summoned to settle a civil war started by militias loyal to
    Lump.... Apollo makes peace by forcing the bad actors to perform an
    infinitely recursive drama where they pretend to virtues of which they
    are otherwise incapable.

    As you can infer, I have a lot on my mind; and can only promise to do my
    best. Please stay well and be happy.  Write me or telephone me as you wish.

    EJM