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     It has become clear to me, that the reason I am not a
musician is not that I did not begin early enough in life,
not that I did not practice hard and long enough, not that I
practiced the wrong excercises, not that I had inadequate or
only sporadic instruction, and tried to treach myself.  The
reason I am not a musician is that I lacked the talent to
accomplish anything close to what I wanted.  There loomed
before me a holy mountain which I longed to ascend.  I
failed, not because I didn't try, but because I lacked the
strength.

     It has become clear to me, that the reason I am not a
mathematician is not that I did not study hard and long
enough, not that I worked on the wrong excercises, not that I
took the wrong courses, but that I lacked the talent to
accomplish anything close to what I wanted.  There loomed
before me a holy mountain which I longed to ascend.  I
failed, not because I didn't try, but because I lacked the
strength.

     When I was in college, the secret of my academic
achievement was selecting those courses which were congenial
to me and in which I could reasonably expect to do very well
and to get very high grades.  If I had also taken courses
which I anticipated to be difficult, I would have learned
more, but my academic credentials would have left much (more)
to be desired.

     The secret of my satisfaction now, though there is no
public success to speak of, is the coincidence of what I want
most badly with what I am best able to do, i.e. to write, to
put down, - well no longer on paper, but in computer files, -
and to reflect upon - the musings of my mind, from day to
day, if not from hour to hour.  It is the only effort I know
that promises to lead to some sort of salvation.

                          * * * * *
Copyright 2005, Ernst Jochen Meyer
